The Last Laugh
by zedisforzebra
Summary: "Look Red, you need new clothes. Because here in normal not-mountain-dwelling society, people think it's a little weird if you're wearing the same clothes every day." Red and Green go shopping on boxing day. Also a tribute to Green's impeccable fashion sense.


"Red, we're going boxing day shopping," said Green the moment he saw Red step into the apartment living room. Red had just woken up and was ready for a full day of complete dicking around the house. But the words that dared come out of Green's mouth made Red stop in his tracks. This was too early for this kind of psychological torment. He stared at Green for a full three seconds, then immediately bolted back into his room. But Green, fast as a deoxys, jumped off the couch and sprinted after him. Before Red could close the bedroom door, Green had caught up to him with a determined stare.

"Look Red, you need new clothes. Because here in normal not-mountain-dwelling society, people think it's a little weird if you're wearing the same clothes every day.

"So?" Red shrugged. "It doesn't matter what people think."

"It does matter. Especially if people are going to think, 'Hey look it's the Former Champion of Kanto, wait isn't he wearing the same shirt – nobody cares if it's just an identical shirt, Red – that he wore every day for the past few years? This guy must never take a shower. Oh wait, doesn't he live with the Viridian Gym Leader? Wow that Green Oak must really be into people who smell."

"You are. That's why you kept telling me you'd smell me later," said Red, smirking.

"That was unwarranted and I hate you," said Green, making that face he always made every time someone brought up one of his many embarrassing childhood habits. "Come on, you better be ready in ten minutes."

"Or you'll force me to wear your purple pants?"

"I heard nothing," said Green, as he slammed the bedroom door onto Red's laughing face.

* * *

The mall was packed. Mobs crowded every open space available, which made getting anywhere quickly virtually impossible. Nevertheless, that didn't stop Green, who weaved through the crowd with absolute determination. His hand was firmly clenched onto Red's wrist as he pulled him along like a parent trying to not lose their child in the sea of slightly-over aggressive shoppers. Or in Green's case, making sure Red didn't escape because he knew better than anyone how good he was at disappearing.

"Here it is," said Green, stopping so abruptly that Red nearly crashed into him. "This is where I get most of my clothes."

"There's so many people here," said Red, as he pulled his cap down in a reflexive attempt to hide his face.

Green smiled gently. He reached over to Red's cap and pulled it back up, something he used to do to comfort him when they were little.

"Well unfortunately for you," said Green, as he looked at Red with a reassuring smile, "but the occupation of Former Champion doesn't pay that well and volunteering at the Pokemon Academy doesn't really pay the bills now does it? So unless you want clothes from the trash…"

"Trash isn't that bad…"

"Yeah, not when we're sharing a bed."

* * *

Green looked away from Red for five minutes to inspect a rack of green pants that caught his eye. _What an incredible deal,_ thought Green. _Weird that nobody else seems to be fighting for them. Aw well their loss._

Green's arms were full of neon green pants when he turned around and realized that Red was no longer beside him. He swore under his breath and started roaming the store, "I swear to god Red, if you went back home, I'll-" when he bumped straight into Red who not only didn't take the first Charizard back home, but even had his own armful of clothes.

"Red" said Green, surprised. "You actually got clothes—"

Green stopped himself short when he looked down at the clothes Red were carrying. Four pairs of jeans with a worn out pattern similar to the old actually worn out jeans that Red currently owned ( _why is that a style?_ Green fumed) and four identical red and white shirts that looked like a rip off t-shirt version of Red's trademark vest.

"Are you serious?"

"Are you?" asked Red, glancing at the flashy, almost shimmery green pants Green was holding and looking up at eyes dancing in amusement.

"What do you know about fashion?" scoffed Green, holding onto his pants closely, protecting them from Red's judgement. "Let's go to the changeroom. Just watch, I'll get the last laugh."

Red followed Green and flopped down on one of the chairs outside the changing room with the rest of the boyfriends and husbands who were either on their phones or giving the world a thousand yard stare. But Green grabbed Red's arm and pulled him up from the chair. "You're going to try your clothes on too. If we're going to Alola together, I can't have you looking like a hobo."

Red acquiesced and trudged his way into the change room wondering why he ever came off that mountain.

When Red came out, he already saw Green checking himself out in the mirror with his new green pants and black shirt. Green was in the middle of seeing how shapeless his butt looked in those pants when he caught Red's reflection in the mirror. He turned around and grinned, "Pretty great, right?"

"…" said Red, tipping his hat down to try to hide the smile that was making its way on his lips.

"What?" squawked Green. "Red! I can see the face you're making. I've seen it for years don't think you can hide that from me."

"Is everything okay?" asked a young, sharply dressed sales associate.

"Yeah everything is fine," said Green.

The sales associate looked at Red and Green up and down and smiled at Red. "That looks good on you."

Red shot Green a look of pure victory and Green made a face at him. that reminded Red of a purugly

"We have a sale on black jeans and cargo pants," said the sales associate, now looking at Green. "Those would go well with that shirt."

Green crossed his arms and half-heartedly thanked the sales associate. He could practically feel Red's smirk burning on his skin like a metal hot stamp. Maybe he should try on some different pants. Maybe he should consider looking in the mirror again. Nope. He bought the green ones pants. Thank you pride.

* * *

"Red did you see this?" Green almost screamed as he jumped off the hotel bed and ambushed the Red who had just walked into their room. Green shoved the magazine page in front of Red's face and his voice was strained as he stumbled out, "who do these Alolians think they are?"

Red read the title of the article: " _Worst dressed gym leader of 2016: Green Oak_." The article showed no less than 20 photos in an impressively organized collage of what would be some of Green's least flattering shots of him wearing a variety of coloured pants. And right in the middle, acting as the centerpiece of this masterpiece, the king of this kingdom, was a close up shot of the green pants Green wore now.

Red burst into laughter, which despite all the times he had laughed at Green, still took Green by surprise. it was still rare for him to be so vocal. It was a pleasant sound Green thought, and despite all of his protests of "Red! What the hell! I didn't show this to you just to have you laugh at me!" he couldn't help but crack a little smile at the ridiculousness of it all. And soon enough Green was also in a fit of laughter. Leaning his shaking body against Red, he bent his head down and buried his laugh into Red's shoulder. And the magazine lay forgotten on the floor.


End file.
